Confessions of a Blackberry Dad

When a decade ago I first found the Blackberry – that amazing, game-changing tool – I was astonished at its capabilities.  It didn’t seem all that long ago that phones were attached to walls, and cars were for driving instead of catching up on the calls you couldn’t quite squeeze into work hours.  
 
Though generally not an adapter of the newest technology, I jumped onto the Blackberry bandwagon early . . . with both feet. Then, when remote internet access became available a couple years later, bringing the world to my fingertips . . . my passion for this great tool only increased.
 
For years, I used the tool with total abandon.  A demanding job required I be readily accessible and at the time, I had little inclination to limit my accessibility.  (Though I did try and limit my smart phone use by committing to different forms of techno-abstinence during Lent.)  In other words, I’d taken to this technology with a passion . . . but I slowly began to wonder if, perhaps, it was the other way around.  Had this technology taken me?
 
Okay, there were signs. Maybe I should have realized my use was a little over the top when years ago, my son (then a toddler) threw my Blackberry in the toilet twice within a handful of months.  That wasn’t intentional – was it?  And, I guess I shouldn’t have ignored my wife’s comment that she too wanted to flush my Blackberry down the drain.   Back then, as the only one in the family mesmerized by that itty-bitty screen, I didn’t think the effects for the family seemed that bad.  As Rebecca Cusey wrote, in the second part of our SixSeeds technological series, the tool allowed me to be home more – that’s a good thing, right?
 
While Rebecca and Tom Walsh have pointed out the many pluses and minuses of the wired age, we at SixSeeds haven’t yet covered how technology effects the dynamics of family.

As a “Blackberry Dad,” I have some confessions now that my smart phone use has extended over several years, and my kids have grown up seeing it constantly in my hand. Fast forward to 2010, and now it’s not just me poring over my Blackberry.  My wife and teenage girls answer texts and email within moments of receiving them on their shiny iPhones, and use a moment of downtime to go check out the latest on Facebook.  (I should note that, because the iPhone can be such a great tool . . . I have one of those, as well!)

For all the supposed “connection,” I feel a little disconnected from my family, and confess my concern that family life will become ever more fragmented if we continue in our wired ways.
 
As the one attached to my smart phone the longest, I have to “walk the walk,” as every parenting book explains.  I must model good technological habits, or I have no moral authority to help shape the rest of my family’s.  If I’m finishing one last email just as dinner is about to begin, why shouldn’t they post just one last important update to their Facebook pages?
 
Since confession is supposedly good for the soul, here’s mine. I’m hoping to enter my own Blackberry and iPhone recovery phase, to disconnect in order to connect.  It won’t be easy.  Yet, since we’re unlikely to return to the old “unwired” days any time soon, managing these tools is a huge parenting challenge for our generation.

For our families, it is a challenge that is worth taking on.

Unwiring Your Family Life – Some Practical Suggestions
 
1.  You know the old rule of etiquette . . .  a phone call doesn’t displace the person standing in front of you.  While it’s just fine to drop a smart phone note to a friend – or respond to one – the etiquette should be that your family members (or others around you) should be first.  One should say “excuse me” (or some similar courtesy) when turning to address your blackberry/iPhone contact.
 
2.  Take a day off from technology– once a week, have the whole family play it “old school” and stay off-line.
 
3.  And/or take daily short “technology time-out” periods, where everyone turns off their iPhones and blackberries – maybe surrounding the dinner time hours?
 
4.  Every once in a while . . . try to travel as a family someplace you aren’t all connected, either abroad (where the roaming costs are such that it isn’t prudent for everyone to stay plugged in), or in a remote location.  It’s a helpful reminder that our lives won’t fall apart if we’re not connected.
 
Remember, parents, these instruments are tools.  Just because we can all be constantly wired, doesn’t mean we have to be.  When Rebecca closes her weekly summary of the new DVD releases, she asks us to “Choose wisely.”  If you’d like to enter into a new phase of techno-responsibility, perhaps our motto should be “iPhones and Blackberries are awesome . . . use wisely”!