Talking about Tiger

I’ve been out of town in dawn-to-past-dusk meetings out west all week, and I can’t count how many times I’ve heard the name “Tiger Woods.” He’s on the radio, he’s on television, and just about half the casual conversations eventually turned to this or that aspect of the scandal.

Of course everyone (and it did seem like everyone) asked some variation of, “what should we tell our kids.” My first response was, “I’m not telling my kids anything about him.” They don’t know who he is and are about as interested in the world of big-time golf as I am in Grey’s Anatomy. But since I can’t resist adding my two cents to virtually any conversation, I did eventually have a thing or two to say.

Here’s the extended version:

First, some perspective. As sad as it may make our kids for someone they admire to let them down, this sadness is nothing compared to emotions Tiger’s family is feeling. His relationship with his wife and children is impacted forever, his family is on the verge of falling apart, and he is living this all out in the glare of a press that doesn’t truly care about the human beings involved. We should pray and hope that this hurt in his family can be healed. That’s far more important than the way this makes us feel.

Second, don’t be surprised if this keeps happening throughout your life. People are very, very far from perfect, and celebrities are quite often faced with challenges and temptations that are tough for us to comprehend (I’ll never forget the story told by a former roommate — and big-time college basketball player — that his teammates could merely point at a beautiful woman, and she would gladly accompany them back to their room). Even good and decent men fall, and we shouldn’t be surprised when it happens.

Third, the bad that Tiger’s done doesn’t negate his qualities. Despite his infidelity, we can still admire his grit and determination on the golf course, and we can still enjoy his talent.

Rather than desperately (and fruitlessly) search for that one perfect role model — which will lead inevitably to disappointment — why not point undeniable qualities in a variety of people? We can admire Tiger’s commitment to excellence, Michael Jordan’s competitive spirit, Magic Johnson’s joyfulness on the court, and Pete Rose’s relentless hustle . . . all without minimizing their undeniable flaws. Fourth, don’t rely on celebrities exclusively for role models. Can’t we also extol the virtues of teachers, friends, and neighbors? What about the uncle who faced a serious illness with dignity and courage? Or the scoutmaster whose patience, love, and endurance helps teach your son what it means to be a man? Or — what about the men I served with in Iraq? Aside from closest friends, we didn’t know much about each other — whether the guys on the line were good husbands, fathers, or sons. But I do know they faced death every day, and they risked their lives (and sometimes lost their lives) protecting the weak and the vulnerable. Those guys weren’t perfect, but they’re my heroes — and my son’s.