Joel Kingston’s Tribute to His Dad

He taught me about work ethic, military service, and how to overcome life’s obstacles.

Hello, my name is Joel Kingston.

Thank you, everyone, for being here today!  Although I am sad and will continue to be, I am also grateful.  It is a good feeling and honor to share this time with all of you, My wife (Bridget), Mom (Jayne), brothers (Jason and John), sister-in-laws (Jean and Helen), nieces, nephews, aunts, cousins, family, friends, My parents friends, my brothers friends, my friends,  and Father Tom and Trinity parishioners. 

I am grateful because my father loved the Lord and accepted him as his Lord and personal Savior; not just in his last days, Dad understood the journey.  I believe that in his heart he sought out to be the man that God intended him to be.  On that path, Dad knew: love, forgiveness and non-judgment.  In short, I am comforted to know that Dad was a Christian while here on Earth.  

I related to my father in a special way that youngest siblings do… we took that to another level as the youngest of three siblings.

I am appreciative of my father’s work ethic.  His principles are an impression burned into the ideal of what a man or adult person does.  Dad did not take sick days; he left every day before the sun rose and he would not return until after I had come back from school and sport practices, consistent with a common standard of “come early and leave late.”  When he would refer to people, it was not un-common for him to measure them by whether or not they were a, "hard worker." One of Dad’s life missions was to instill in my brothers and me, integrity, joy, and pride in one’s work.  He often referred to it as the, “good tired,” the kind you get at the end of a long day.  He would ask me after returning home after one of my first teenage jobs, “are you exhausted?  This is a good feeling, isn’t it?”  This was consistently exhibited in his home projects, pride in his property and working every Saturday and part of Sunday.  This integrity would extend to if you borrowed an item from someone.  This item should be returned promptly and in better condition then it was loaned.  I honestly think of my father every time I simply roll up an extension cord, which should be done, “properly” and after you finished, it should put back in its proper place.

One of my favorite and most memorable qualities of Dad was his consistency as a gentleman.  He demonstrated this when he would warmly greet family, friends, students, and strangers… always making sure they were comfortable in their time shared together.  He went beyond a “genuine person’s” value, in a firm handshake and looking them in the eyes.  Dad made everyone feel special.  A trait most succinctly expressed by the love and adoration of his students.  I am grateful on my multiple visits to Sedgwick Teams Field Days that I witnessed this student adoration every year I attended.

Beyond a father, Dad was a good friend.  When I was a young boy and growing up on a street that had no other young boys my age, and at the same time, my brothers were older and allowed to be away on their own.  Dad would make up competitive games for us to play, countless hours of wiffle ball, “one on one” basketball or simply playing catch.  He would always attend my sport events in which I participated.  I can not get through, with out a tear, any time I watch the W.P. Kinsella and Phil Alden Robinson’s 1989 film, “Field of Dreams.”  I can only imagine the next time, I watch Ray Kinsella’s character played by Kevin Costner say, “Hey Dad, you wanna have a catch?”

Moreover, Dad was best man at my wedding to my beloved Bridget, consistent with his work ethic, he stood behind me and honored me to the fullest that weekend beginning with the Thursday bachelor party, which stands out as the best weekend of my life.  It began before that when he and mom made a separate trip from Connecticut to California to plan that weekend.  Furthermore, years before that, it was Dad who came first, as an independent family ambassador to California to begin the union of our two families, the Mosman’s and Kingston’s.  Once again, a unique, “top of the list” experience while dad stayed with me alone.

Dad and I love the Red Sox!  Until 2004, this was a love, once tragically inherited.  A summertime tradition in our family, he took me to my first game at Fenway Park.  It is because of Dad, that I can say, “I grew up going to Fenway”.  My fondest memories were watching the ballgame with him and talking coast-to-coast long distance, about the extended roster, new young prospects and how to navigate the salary cap.  Dad and I shared a fascination for the monetary value of a MLB player.  I learned a lot about Dad’s character through the Red Sox.  Dad was loyal, yet he had a sense of humor.  Every spring he we would say, “This is it, this is going to be the year” and inevitably, during “my time” growing up it was always followed in the fall by “well, we always have next year.”  I loved that comical tradition.  However, as those who know how the story goes, it was at the end of game six in the 1986 World Series when I saw my father literally go bananas with joy screaming out the back sliding glass door.  Yet, only to see your dad crying for the very first time ever, emotions only minutes apart. 

Continuously, Dad and I jokingly fought over a Fenway foul ball hit by former single season home run king, Mark McGwire.  The story is that the ball hit off my father’s wrist and then popped in the air.  At which time, I then grabbed the ball like a rebound.  How could anyone think anything other than the obvious?  At the end of the play, the ball was in my hands.  He liked to say, “You have my ball, my wrist took the brunt of that powerful hit, give me back my ball!” Beyond the fact that I get the last word on this one, Dad.  “Thank you for taking that hit.”  I’ll continue to think of you when I look at the ball in a safe place at home!”

I was so proud of my father’s military career.  The cadet stories, the military tradition, which I find to be awe-inspiring, the tact it took him to advance to the position of colonel.  The Cold War fueled nuclear; “Johnny Rocket” missiles his orders were to watch over.  The love and respect I feel for every veteran, a value distinctly instilled in me by him.  I loved to talk military strategy and history with Dad.  However, what stands out most is when Dad surprised my mother, brothers and me one day unexpectedly, by disclosing his experience in Korea.  The guilt, fear and sadness expressed in that combat experience articulated to me that he knew the complexity of the battlefield.  Nevertheless, keeping with Dad’s character he was modest and deeply reserved about this time in his life.  What is more, Dad adamantly did not want this path for the sons.  A point while obviously safe for us was always curious because it stood in contrast with a long established career.

Let me tell you about the time Mom and Dad saved my life.  To do so, I have to disclose the fact that at a very young age I was given the diagnosis of a, “learning difference.”  This personal detail came to a head while struggling in the sixth and seventh grade, a struggle so intense, I had become suicidal and depressed.  My parents took action by helping me to apply to the best schools money could buy.  The problem was that my brothers were already in, or in route to private universities and both parents were raising the sons on modest teacher salaries.  I will never forget the day after coming from a successful interview At Eagle Hill Academy, located on the former and beautiful Post Estate in Greenwich Connecticut, that (while Dad, Mom and I were at lunch after this meeting) Dad prayed for guidance and strength on the immensity of the issue; Dad said the words afterward, “We will make this work.”  I will never forget the relief and hope I felt that day. I attended Eagle Hill the next year.

That was dad, another story of him standing behind with his entire heart.  That is the man he was and the quality of a man I would aspire to be to my future unborn children.  What a special and unique love; while I do not personally know that love and protection, which only a parent has for a child, since I am not a parent.  I do know that I felt that love coming from my father.  Dad was closer to my ideal of a man because he showed that love and never wasted an opportunity to say the words, “I love you, son”.  That is why I am sad and will continue to be.  Yet, on the other hand, I am continuously grateful to God and I thank the Lord Daily.

I love you Dad!

May you rest in peace.