On a Personal Note

Reflecting on the life – and lessons – of my father, upon his death.

The funny thing about growing up is that parents instill virtue in children without our even realizing it.  At the ballpark, at the dinner table, or even while away at work, our parents taught us life lessons . . . lessons which we took, considered, reflected on, tweaked, and hopefully, have begun to apply in some measure.  On our best days, Jean and I pass along some of these lessons to our four kids, and maybe (just maybe) they will more fully grasp them than we did, maybe more than even our own parents, or their own parents before them.   In founding SixSeeds, we wanted to gather together with other parents wrestling with the same objectives, who were doing their best to find and share the “good” and the “fun” of family life.

And, in this spirit, we offer a special – and more personal – edition. (After all, one of the fun side benefits of starting the SixSeeds project is that we can take the occasional opportunity to share in a personal vein with our friends and readers. Some might call it “imposing on you”, but we hope you see it as “sharing with you.”)   

When Jean and I launched SixSeeds, we dedicated the project to our parents – Jack and Jayne Kingston, and Roy and Madeline Yih – standing on the shoulders of the parenting giants who came before us, so to speak.  One of those giants -- my Dad, Lt. Col. (ret.) John “Jack” Kingston, Jr. -- passed away over the holidays, and we held memorial services for him last week.

In November, we were informed my father had an advanced stage of liver cancer, and that little could be done given his health and age limitations.  A little over one month later, on December 22, 2010, he died peacefully in the early hours of a moonlit, cold Connecticut morning.  Because we sensed Dad's passing was imminent, Jean and I went to him with our family.  We found that he had deteriorated rapidly and never regained consciousness, with ever higher morphine levels to mitigate his pain.  Remarkably, however, there was a strong sense of God's presence, joy and peace in this space. The younger cousins ran around together, and had fun -- the older girls chatted with their boyfriends by phone -- a new puppy arrived from San Francisco with my youngest brother -- the sisters-in-law provided their customary support to each other, as friends and clergy came and went.

Amidst the mourning and reunion of his passing, we found ourselves reflecting on how Dad taught us many important lessons and virtues.   He taught us about loving God, as an active member of Trinity Episcopal Church in Tariffville, Connecticut.   He taught us the value of service and patriotism as a veteran of the Korean conflict, who served honorably in the Army under his Texas A&M University commission following his graduation, and then in the Army Reserve Corps, for a combined 26 years of service.  He taught us the value of hard work and education as a public school mathematics teacher in Connecticut, with his last 30 years of service in West Hartford, Connecticut.  He instilled in us his love of the Boston Red Sox, whom he followed devotedly throughout his life, including his trip to St. Louis for the clinching game of the 2004 World Series.

We hope through SixSeeds that we would somehow help others think about the same virtues he taught us.  And we hope, in a significant and meaningful way for our readers, that his legacy would continue past his seventy-two years…  just as we know the legacies of all of your parents (and you in your parenting of your children) will endure.