BOOKS: Sunshine Home

 At SixSeeds, we believe in the power of a good story.  The books our children are hearing and reading will move, inspire, and sometimes even shape their lives... even young lives. This week, we take a popular kids' book and examine it. Hopefully, the next time you're browsing though a crowded bookstore, our reviews will help you sort through the thousands of titles…  and you can choose wisely!

Title: Sunshine Home
Author: Eve Bunting
Illustrator: Diane De Groat
Publisher: Clarion Books
Age:
Cost: $6.99
Buy it: here.
Rating:  5 seeds out of 6

Nursing homes – or assisted living facilities – are a necessary but troubling fact of modern life.  In America, the average lifespan grows by over two years per decade and adults struggle with what to do when caring for their older parents becomes too much.  Frequently, they are racked with guilt at deciding to place their parents in an unfamiliar location, sometimes siblings are divided, and resent the one who is “doing all the work.”  Perhaps the aging parents disagree about how to proceed and are fearful of abandonment.

Sometimes lost in all of this family drama are the grandchildren who haven’t lived enough life to understand the various emotional complexities that seem to surface at family meals. Author Eve Bunting chronicles a grandparent’s transition to a nursing home -- through the lens of a child -- in her book  Sonshine Home,a helpful book for grandchildren who are watching their grandparents transition into a new home.

The Plot:

Gram has recently moved out of the house, where she lived with her grandson, Timmie, and his parents.  The family is en route to visit Gram in the nursing home for the first time.  Timmie is intimidated by what he is about to experience and embarrassed by the silly balloon his mom makes him carry.

Sonshine Home realistically illustrates elderly people, at different end-of-life stages. Some walk with walkers, others slouch in wheelchairs. The author describes the smells and acknowledges a certain loss of dignity. While heavy issues are unwrapped, the intensity is appropriate for young readers.  And, as in life, there are moments of humor.  While wearing a bib, Gram deals with the awkwardness by joking that Timmie should get one for his Dad. Also, Gram describes another resident by saying, “He’s a terrible driver, always bumping into me with his wheelchair. He shouldn’t be allowed on the road.” 

While visiting the game and dining room, meeting her fellow residents, and experiencing Gram’s new life, Charlie realizes his grandmother is still the same person. 

However,  even as his fear diminishes, new issues surface as his family clumsily deals with aging.  Mom’s cheery voice, for example, annoys Timmie.  It seems fake, as she talks to Gram who reacts in a similarly chipper fashion.  Timmie fights back tears, determined to cloak his own sadness. Once the family has said their goodbyes and heads out the door, Mom can’t contain her tears anymore. Gram responds the same inside, believing that the family can’t see her.  But, Timmie returns and happens upon Gram sobbing.  She apologizes and asks him not to tell.

You mean, don’t tell mom?” I’m beginning to understand things I didn’t understand before. “Mom was crying too, “ I say. “Outside. She cries a lot.”

She never does in front of me, “ Gram says.

“And you don’t cry in front of her. You both pretend nothing’s wrong.”

Gram wipes her eyes with a little ball of Kleenex. “I guess we do it for each other, so it won’t be harder than it is.”

“No. No.” Suddenly, I’m sure. “It’s better when you tell. Honest. You don’t feel so scared.” I edge backward. “Stay here!”  Which is pretty dumb because where can she go?

The Bottom Line:

This book broaches the subject of aging in an honest manner, while avoiding unnecessary sentimentality.  And the conclusion is realistically hopeful. We aren’t left to falsely believe Gram is coming home, as everyone would prefer, but the hard times do not undo this family. In fact, in the midst, of sadness – something good transpires. This family grows in their desire to relate to one another. (Even Gram changes in her late years, even though we sometimes cynically believe change doesn’t happen then.) 

For Mom and Dad To Consider:

Timmie’s response leads to a broader question (not only regarding aging) but about how we deal with tender situations in general.  Do we cry openly?  Too often?  Do we show our children that life is tough, but provide hope and security in the midst of it?

Things are generally less scary when they are dealt with openly and honestly. For example, when adults talk behind closed doors -- a necessity in marriage -- sometimes these hushed conversations cause children’s mind to assume the worst.  (Do you ever remember being convinced your parents were getting a divorce or that Aunt Clara was dying?)

To Talk to Your Kids About:

Face it, mom and dad.  You are not going to have all the answers.  However, even that ambiguity may be comforting to a child who also feels confused.  So, let’s get talking.  You might want to ask your kids what are some of the advantages of American medicine?  What are some of the effects of having such long life expectancies compared to other regions and other historical eras?  How do you feel when you visit the nursing home?  Did you notice that some people might not get visitors?  Why do you think that is?  Could it be that some people don’t want to think about getting older?  Why do you think this is?

Whether visiting an aging relative or the local nursing home, this book is good preparation for many of the things children may experience. 

Do you have tips about dealing with aging parents?  Please leave us a comment below!