Is It Morally Okay to Raise Kids Who Have Never Trimmed a Hedge?

I spent yesterday afternoon in the emergency room with my 16 year old boy after he almost cut the tip of his finger off with a hedge trimmer.  Trips to the ER happen.  It wasn't that big of a deal.  He'll be fine.  It's not even worth mentioning . . . except as an example of why I'm right and my wife is wrong in our 20 year fight over yard work.

I'm a lawyer.  I spent considerable time and energy getting an education that would allow me to become a lawyer.  And the practice of law is no picnic: long hours and high stress.  So am I really morally deficient in some way if I would rather pay someone else to take care of my lawn than do it myself?  Am I less of a man?  After all, someone else's business is to do lawn care.  It's how they provide for their family.  What's so wrong about me exchanging my labor for money and then exchanging my money for someone else's labor?  Isn't that how a modern economy works?  

My wife has three main theories about why we should make our kids do yard work. 

First, she wants us to be more self-sufficient.  I get the appeal of that as a goal, but no one is truly self-sufficient, so it's an elusive and fanciful goal.  And what makes us great as a people and country is our ability to work together in a sophisticated and specialized exchange of labor and talent.  Now, if the foundation of our great social contract disintegrates and I have to do a lot more things for myself, I'll learn to do those things then (and only then) -- when it's more clear exactly what I need to learn.  However, I suspect hunting and fishing will take a much higher priority than maintaining the perfect lawn at that point.

Second, she thinks yard work teaches hard work.  True, but so does school work, office work, marathon running, and countless other activities.  No reason to think yard work is a superior teacher of hard work than learning calculus, trying to understand the dynamics of American history, or coal mining.  I think the best way to learn hard work is to find some combination of what you are naturally good at (and like to do) and then work hard to become really good at it.  Better to have a society where people are really good at certain things than have a bunch of people who are mediocre at everything.

Third, she thinks yard work is good for the soul, which probably is her most persuasive argument.  While there might be some intrinsic value to working the land, I‘ve yet to personally experience its healing spiritual properties. Is there some mystical power that I'm missing out on?  Maybe.  But there must be a thousand things out there that promise greater enlightenment and spirituality that I'm not doing.  Why does yard work go to the front of that line?

At the end of the day, there are only so many things one can do.  While yards come the responsibility of maintenance, I don't have to be the one who does the work unless at some point I can't afford to do business with someone to help fulfill my responsibility. 

Now, is my world view appropriately reasoned to meet the many competing needs thrust upon us in this day and age?  Or am I sadly trapped in an overly artificial and narrow existence that will only lead to emptiness and sadness?   You're probably happy to just wait and see how it works out for me.  But you know who's not willing to take a wait and see approach?  My wife.   Which brings us to the emergency room yesterday.

My son is a good kid.  He cares about his school work, gets good grades, fulfills his church obligations, is generally helpful and good natured, and is working really hard to be good at the sport he loves: golf. But there he was in his blood-splattered golf clothes in the ER, and I couldn't help think about the amount of yard work I could buy with the billable hours I was wasting in the hospital.  And wondering whether the lesson in yard work for a kid who already works hard was worth the potential loss of a finger with devastating consequences to the one activity he enjoys working on. 

Was it really necessary for my wife to send him out to trim the hedges?  I don't know, but I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt on this one.  When you work as hard as she has to keep a family like ours together, you are entitled to every conceivable benefit of the doubt.  And she's right about a lot of things.  And, after all, it's not that big a deal to trim the hedges before going out to play golf.  Those thoughts, coupled with some deep breathing techniques and a few sun salutations I learned from my P90X yoga workout tapes (more on that in a later article) brought me back to a place of calm acceptance.

These things happen.

My son took it all in stride.  No anger, no bitterness, just a little disappointment in a few days of practice lost. 

I suspect my wife and I will fight about yard work until I start doing yard work or we move into an apartment. 

Maybe it's for the best to keep that fight alive.  Who knows what kind of argument would take its place?