Thank You, Simon Cowell, For Your Honesty

Simon Cowell is stepping down from American Idol.  He was frequently brutal, rarely kind, and the greatest thing to happen to American youth since the nun with knuckle-rapping ruler.

Why?  We live in a strange world.  

On the one hand, our political culture feels debased and sometimes vile.   We presume the worst motives on the part of our opponents, conduct ourselves with very little civility,  and feel all-too-free to make sweeping declarations about the personal character of politicians we will never meet.

But when it comes to our kids, no amount of encouragement is enough.  It’s an old joke now in Garrison Keillor’s Lake Wobegon, that “every child is above average,” but it’s based on an undeniable cultural mindset.  In America, “no” is rarely heard, encouragement is the mother’s milk of childhood, and — by golly — if you can dream it, you can achieve it.

I’ve only seen the trailer for “Waiting for Superman,” a new documentary about the decline and fall of the American public education system which our friend Mike Flaherty and Walden Media will bring to the world this fall. But even the preview chillingly shows the disparity between our achievement and our self-confidence. Out of 30 developed countries, we lag in virtually every academic area.  For example, we’re a dismal 25th in math and a shameful 21st in science.  However, we’re a clear first in only one category: self confidence.  

But high self-esteem is great, right?  We may be stupid, but we’re happy!  Turns out, however, we’ve known for some time that high self-esteem actually correlates with quite a few bad behaviors, including racist attitudes, drunken driving, and other high-risk activities.  “D” students are as self-assured as valedictorians, and rapists as secure as bank managers.  

Basically, as a society, we’ve learned to wallow in our own ego . . . no matter how we act.  

Enter the British burst of fresh air who reminds us that honesty, even brutal honesty, is better than the “if you dream it; you can achieve it” drivel.  Simon showed us again and again that false hope is a recipe for an eternal childhood, perpetually delayed responsibilities, and an endless series of silly heartbreaks.  

The first time I saw American Idol’s early tryout rounds, I was moved by the aching, gasping sobs of rejected candidates. Part of me bristled when Simon simply refused to show the slightest trace of mercy -- refused to exhort or encourage.  It just felt so wrong, so mean.  But then I realized the sobs were silly.  After all, do you break down in tears when you fail to scratch off the winning lottery ticket?  Yet every year on American Idol we have young people by the hundreds lying in the fetal position -- in pools of their own tears — because they didn’t make their one-in-a-million shot at fame.  Really?  Who do you think you are? 

Actually their tears are a dead giveaway to mindset.  They think they’re amazing because everyone’s told them so their whole lives as they were exhorted to dream and achieve.

Simon reminded us of the vital importance of seeing ourselves — and our kids — as we are, and not as we’d like to be.  Dream the impossible dream, but do your math homework, work a few nights at Wal-Mart, and be ready to get that accounting degree in a couple years.  After all, you’re not going to be in the NBA; you’re not getting that recording contract; and you’re not going to write the next Great American Novel.

But you know what?   The person who’s telling you this truth is being nice.  The person who says you can do anything is the mean one, because they’re turning others into immature balls of self-regarding entitlement.  

Critically, however, Simon wasn’t all about criticism.  Honesty does sometimes compel affirmation; because there’s talent and beauty in this world.  And when Simon cracked that smile or gave that wink, it meant more than 10,000 Paula Abdul standing ovations.  Why?  Because it was real.  Because then, you knew, you’d heard something truly special.  

Thank you, Simon, for being honest with us.  

Because we really, really needed it.

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