Transformers: Dark of the Moon

With the Cold War over and the early 60s the hippest decade since the 80s, action movies are rewriting Cold War battles. “X-Men: First Class” let us in on the backstory of the Cuban Missile Crisis (a mutant ploy to get humans to destroy themselves). Now the fun, frothy, and fast third Transformer movie, “Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon,” tells us the secrets behind the space race.

Using actual footage of Kennedy and Houston control center, as well as an appearance by real life hero astronaut Buzz Aldrin, the film informs us that all that high-falutin’ oration from our former president about reaching the moon was just a way to get Americans on the backside of our sister in space. They needed to check out a space ship that crashed there in the late 50s. Turns out, the ship was a Transformer ship, built by the race of giant robots during their civil war.

Fleeing as the noble Autobots were losing to the Decepticons, the leader Sentinel Prime (voiced by the legendary Leonard Nimoy) crashed along with his powerful cargo. Both the noble Autobots and the evil Decepticons want that cargo.

In the present, after exiling the Decepticons from Earth in the last movie, Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) tries to find a job in this harsh economy. His buddies Optimus Prime and Bumblebee are busy, serving as glorified security guards to the world’s politicians, “Preventing the humans from harming themselves.”

Kind of a step down from saving the world.

At least Sam has love. His former girlfriend (played by Megan Fox, famously fired from the franchise) has left him in the cold, but there’s a hot new babe in town. We meet her bottom before her face, as she parades through their bedroom in his shirt and her skivvies. Appropriate in a way, since Carly is the first major role for Victoria’s Secret model Rosie Huntington-Whiteley.

Sam figures out before anyone else that the Decepticons are working to come back. Their goal? To enslave the human race and create DeceptiHeaven on Earth.

Soon Sam teams up with the Autobots as well as a host of characters from former movies to take on the red-eyed evil robots. The true blue soldier Lennox (Josh Duhamel) is back, along with a team of fighters who specialize in freefalling out of airplanes. Agent Simmons (John Turturro), now a media-loving alien expert and Epps (Tyrese Gibson) from “Transformers” turn out to help. A couple of quick-talking little robots provide levity. A bevy of new characters come along as well, including Patrick Dempsey as Carly’s conniving boss and John Malkovich as Sam’s wonderfully certifiable boss. Add in sightings of Sam’s humiliating parents and Ken Jeong as a memorable early victim.

It gets a little crowded.

With all these characters popping up and the plot having about 27% too many twists, it’s easy to find plot holes in the film. Plus, Carly spends the movie staring slack-jawed, flirting with her boss, running miraculously in five inch heels, and begging Sam to not be a hero. She’d like him to leave the world-saving to someone else. Apparently her brother was a casualty in the military and she’s had enough death.

He’s better off without her.

Sam was born to be a hero, three times over. The problems with the movie don’t really matter because “Transformers” isn’t about plot or navel-gazing. It’s about heroism and big, bad explosions. The movie delivers both in big ways.

From director Michael Bay, the action sequences carry you away. Sam rides in Bumblebee, who transforms at 90MPH, throwing the boy through the air in slow motion, only to catch him and retransform in the nick of time. A giant robot snake destroys entire buildings in Chicago. Actually, Chicago is pretty much demolished. I wonder if Bay had something against the city. Those freefalling soldiers? Amazing. Even more so when you remember that those stunts are real people, not CGI. Rest assured, Bay uses enough explosives to send Bolivia into the ocean. Or Ecuador. Take your pick.

All this fighting is in the name of freedom. When appeasement fails, Optimus Prime tells the humans “The Decepticons will never leave your planet alone. Today, in the name of freedom, we take the fight to them.” Soldiers say things like “Let’s make sure our brothers didn’t die in vain.” Human soldiers and Autobots both speak unabashedly of the difference between freedom and tyranny. They willingly lay down their lives for freedom. This bold and unashamed articulation of why we fight will make the cynical among us squirm, but it’s a refreshing ethos in Hollywood movies.

Rated PG-13, the film has a few rare obscenities. Besides the loving treatment of Carly’s lower cheeks and an awkward-but-quick conversation with the Witwickys, it’s free of sexual content and innuendo, much cleaner than the last movie. The violence, however, is amped up for a kids’ movie. The occupation of Chicago evokes all the emotions of a fallen city, including shots of bodies in the streets and humans exploding. Transformers also die in robot-graphic ways, including fluid-squirting head shots, point-blank executions, and metal-spines ripped out. It’s satisfying, but may be too intense for some youngsters.

“Freedom is the right of everyone,” declares Optimus Prime. It’s something he believes, something for which he will fight, and something that makes him noble. Pretty good, for an 80s toy.