Movie Review: Clash of the Titans

There was a time when movie going audiences were familiar with the old Greek myths, Bible stories, and other foundations of our Western Civilization. A new movie, “Clash of the Titans,” attempts to revive this interest in the ancient stories, but ultimately falls short.

 Perseus (Sam Worthington of Avatar) lives as a simple fisherman with his adopted family until the war between humanity and the gods threatens them. Turns out, the fisherboy is really a son of Zeus, leader of the gods. Hades, god of the Underworld, tells the uppity city of Argos that unless they sacrifice their beautiful princess Andromeda, he will send the fearsome monster Kracken to destroy the city.

 Obviously, this is a bum deal for Argos.

Perseus sets out, along with some soldiers and a semi-mortal maiden Io, on a quest to defeat the Kracken. Unfortunately for him, this requires a visit to some witches and a pas de deux with the monster Medusa, condemned to permanent bad hair days.

The primary problem with this film, and there are several, begins as a serious voice intones the history of the Greek gods and their spat with their human creation. It feels like sitting in a college mythology class being taught by a professor would rather discuss his passion for Ancient Greece with his colleagues than waste time with undergrads. One wants to ask what will be on the midterm.

The story centers around an ancient theological issue: Can mankind rise up against gods who wantonly kill and abuse them? Are they obligated to love the gods? What court do you enter when you have a claim against the gods?

 I’m sure the debate over this theological tidbit really twisted togas in Ancient Greece. Not so much now.

The audience came for a reason and it isn’t theology. We were promised a Kracken. Where’s the Kracken?

Unfortunately, by the time the battles come around, you no longer care much who wins.

The movie is a remake of a wildly popular 1981 film, but it feels much more like a 1950s epic, the kind you watch on a Wednesday midmorning when you’re home sick and the only other choice is The Price is Right. Heavy, dark makeup and dramatic overacting – note the small role of a crazed Hades loving priest – feel very retro. Roles are played straight, without a touch of irony, out of a 50s era book of standard characters: the noble soldier, the noble princess, the wicked king turned monster. Characters aren’t developed and feel flat. In contrast, the recent film Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief puts modern flesh on ancient stories.

When the battles finally come, they’re a disappointment as well. They would have been impressive five years ago, but in the post-Avatar world, they’re merely acceptable. The film is being offered in 3D, but there’s no reason to pay the extra money for a 3D ticket. The 3D element feels tacked on.

Costuming in this movie, whether of the witches or the ferryman at the river Styx, can be creepy enough to rule out elementary school children though the actual action never gets as exciting or dangerous as the costuming suggests. There are a few swear words, the worst something that refers to a female dog. It’s a chaste film, except for one odd but fairly tame line that gets the biggest laugh of the night. All these elements add up to a PG-13 rating for fantasy-action violence, some frightening images, and brief sensuality.

Sam Worthington, as Perseus, is the best thing about this movie and we watch his future roles with interest. The rest of the film is not what we were all hoping to see. They should have just let sleeping Krackens lie.