Movie Review: New Moon, from a Guy's Perspective

If I weren’t a war vet, I’d have to turn in my man card.

Last night I went to see New Moon . . . with my wife and eight of her closest friends.  That’s right; there were ten of us, I was the only man.  But that’s the only way to see New Moon.

You see, New Moon is not a “movie” and can’t be evaluated as such.  It’s an experience.  Specifically, it’s an experience for women — from young teenagers to suburban moms.  I guess you could call it the “Terminator 2 of chick flicks.”  One of my all-time favorite movie moments was attending a sneak preview screening of the Governor of California’s greatest cinematic achievement.  There was the undeniable sense of anticipation, the raucous crowd, and the roars of approval at all the right moments.  Of course, in Terminator, there was a cheer during the greatest car chase ever filmed and an avalanche of catcalls during Linda Hamilton’s first on-screen appearance. The audience hung on every stupendous explosion, cheered every death-defying stunt, and left feeling like they’d seen everything they wanted to see . . . and more.

It was the same last night.  Except that kisses were more eagerly anticipated than minigun battles and the catcalls came every time Jacob Black showed off his rock-solid abs.   (Interesting side note: there’s even an autofill option in Youtube to search “Jacob Black’s abs”).  In fact, the shrieks were so intense that I may have suffered some high frequency hearing loss. 

Before the movie, my wife and her friends furiously dared each other to “start a Jacob chant” or “yell for Edward.”  Other friends in the audience texted “dares” and “double dog dares” to scream Edward’s name.  So, just as the house lights went down, I decided to roll with it.  I changed to my best redneck impersonation voice and yelled, “Let’s go Edward.  Yeehaw.”  The crowd roared its approval, and the movie started.

So, was it good?

Well, I’m not going to say that it was good, but I will say that it delivered.  It delivered the “Twilight” experience . . . the longing, the romance, the pecs, and the abs.  I thought the fight scenes were better than last time, the werewolves were cool, and I continued to be impressed that the filmmakers cast actors who succeed in creating truly non-annoying teenage characters.  I find myself liking those people, and I haven’t liked an on-screen teen since Sixteen Candles' Long Duck Dong.  The guys in the film are idealized versions of, well, what men should be.  Brave, chivalrous, and loving a girl but living by moral codes that stand outside (and above) that love.  They are fiercely protective, dangerous (in a good sense), and — in a particularly welcome development — exercise obvious self-restraint.  Yes, the Twilight series (at least so far) is somehow both intense and chaste. 

So, squeal away girls, you can do a lot worse than Edward or Jacob. 

As for me?  I’m done with chick flicks.  At least until “Eclipse.”  After seeing the film, I’m now in Team Jacob, and I’ve got to see if a good old-fashioned American wolf can beat that vaguely European vampire for the heart of the woman he loves.

by DAVID FRENCH, who is a Harvard educated lawyer, writer, and soldier, and the newest member of Team Jacob.  His book about his year spent in Iraq is scheduled for release Fall 2010.