Adoption: Soper

Please tell us about yourself — your location, job, etc!

I am Jennifer, but that is boring so I go by my maiden name "Soper."  My location is a government secret, and if I tell you I'll have to do a ton of paperwork and it would blow my cover.  So let's just say it is somewhere in the Midwest.  Kinda.

I work for a local university helping spend the government's money recruiting foster families for waiting kids.  My husband, David, is a doctor, which apparently automatically makes us rich and snobby and worthy of your scorn.  Which we don't care about, since we are too busy being rich and snobby to be bothered by your opinion.
 
When/why did you decide to adopt? 

We adopted our eldest daughter (Moonpie) in 2005, and our youngest (Shug) in 2008.  We chose to adopt after my uterus decided it had not been consulted for its opinion, and made it quite clear that it wanted no part in our quest for children.  Three miscarriages and a lot of angst later, we gave in and stopped trying to change its mind and started researching adoption agencies.
 
Do you have any biological children? 

Nope.
 
Whom did you adopt, and from where? 

Moonpie was born in the Republic of Kazakhstan, and Shug was born in Texas.  Which likes to pretend it is its own country.
 
What was their name, and did you rename them? Why or why not?

Both girls had names that didn't work for different reasons, but we tried to keep as much connection to their biologic families as possible.  We kept Moonpie's first name, but anglicized the pronunciation (and eventually shortened it as a nickname).  Legally she has the first name her birth family gave her, but she doesn't really like it.

Shug's birth family gave her three names, all of which were actually names of our close relatives.  There was no way we could have kept them without causing major confusion, so we made her birth mother's middle name her first name.  It was a hard decision for us, since we wanted so badly for her to keep a connection with her other family, but ultimately there was no way we could use any of the names they had chosen.  It would have just been too confusing.
 
What has been the most surprising aspect of adoption? 

How little I think about it day to day.  I write about our adoption a lot, and how it affects us and what it challenges in me personally, but as far as parenting goes I really don't think about the girls being adopted much at all. 
 
What has been the most disappointing? 

Not having a connection to Moonpie's birth family.  I wish we could have contact with them to help answer some of her questions.
 
What has been the most gratifying? 

The relationship I have with Shug's family has really helped me parent both girls better.  Having an open adoption was scary at first, and awkward, but I love the friendship I have with Shug's family.
 
Did any organization or agency really help you get through the process, financially, emotionally, or otherwise? 

Nope.
 
What advice would you give people who are considering adoption? 

Everything you go through, from infertility to paperwork to background checks to the wait, all of it, will make you a better parent.  You will be more patient, more loving, and more capable because you worked harder for the privilege of wiping someone else's nose than anyone else you know.  You will also have the ability to tell your child they can't run away from home because they aren't paid off yet, and that is a pretty compelling argument.  I mean, do you want to have to go into litigation because they have a lien on you, or do you want to come back in here and clean your room?  Works every time.

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