Adoption Blog: Luna @ Life From Here

Tell us about yourself.

I’m 41 years old and I've been with the love of my life for nearly 20 years, married for 14. We live in the San Francisco Bay Area.

When/why did you decide to adopt?

We tried to build our family for about seven years before bringing our daughter home through adoption.  With a long history of infertility and loss, I realized there was little chance that I would ever successfully conceive and carry a baby to term.  Ultimately, we turned to adoption because it was more important for us to become parents than for me to sustain a pregnancy or share a genetic connection with our child.  While we knew adoption would present its own challenges, we were committed to opening our hearts and minds and learning as much as we could about the process.

Do you have any biological children?

We have no living biological children.  We lost our only son in 2006 due to premature membrane rupture and preterm labor when I was halfway to term.

Whom did you adopt and from where?

We adopted our daughter in May 2009 through domestic infant open adoption in California.  One of the reasons we chose domestic over international adoption was the chance to have a fully open adoption and maintain ongoing contact with our child’s family of origin.  We met our daughter’s birth mother when she was about four months pregnant and making an adoption plan for her baby.  We enjoyed getting to know each other before the birth and built a strong foundation for our future relationship.  We were fortunate to witness our daughter’s beautiful and peaceful entry into the world.

What was her name, and did you rename her? Why or why not?

We chose our daughter’s name with her birth mother’s input and consent.  It was important for us to honor our child’s family of origin in some way, and we wanted her name to have some connection to her birth family.  Our daughter has two middle names, both of which are on her birth certificate and one of which honors her birth mother.  For a more complete story of how we named our daughter, read this. 

What has been the most surprising aspect of adoption?

Since we are only a couple of years into our personal journey through adoption, I cannot answer this question with any certainty.  However, I was somewhat surprised by how easy it has been to extend our family to include much of our daughter’s birth family.  Though we were committed to maintaining an ongoing relationship with our child’s family of origin before we even met any expectant parents, that didn’t become real for us until we considered becoming parents to a particular child.  Being asked to parent our daughter was the single highest privilege I have ever experienced.  As a result I have felt empowered to become her mother and all that entails.  The fierce protection I feel not only for our daughter but also her family is simply part of being her parent.  It may not always be easy, but our commitment has never wavered. 

Did any organization or agency really help you get through the process?

We were fortunate to work with an independent adoption consultant who specializes in open adoption.  She highlights the importance of education for all prospective adoptive parents and expectant parents considering placement.  We met adoptive families and spoke with birth parents at regular support meetings, learning more through personal interaction than we ever could have through books and articles.  Through this experience we decided we wanted a fully open adoption for our child.  This community of extended families continues to provide wonderful support for our family including K, our daughter’s birthmom, as well as anyone connected to adoption.   For more information about our experience, read this.

What advice would you give people who are considering adoption?

I think anyone considering adoption should be prepared to educate themselves about the process and long-term implications of adoption.  I believe that those who pursue this path should make the effort to learn how adoption impacts everyone – i.e., not just adoptive parents but adoptees and birth parents.  Adoption is not a single one-time event; it is rooted in loss and has lifelong consequences for everyone involved.  That said, remember the term “adopted” is a verb to describe an event that happened in the past, not an adjective to describe a child in the present.

I believe that anyone considering adoption should be committed to ensuring that the practice of adoption is honest and ethical, and above all puts children first.  Prospective adoptive parents should commit to genuine authenticity, and bring their integrity along the journey every step of the way.  Be compassionate, be respectful.  Open your heart not just to the potential child, but to his/her first family and home, his ancestry, her culture.  Be prepared to truly honor your child’s roots and help maintain that connection.

Specific post to share with readers:

Reflections one year later: before our daughter was “ours”

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