Adoption: The Gonyea/Lexmond Family

Please tell us about yourself — your location, job, etc!

My name is Angela Lexmond.  My husband is Bob Gonyea.  We live in Bloomington, IN and we both work for Indiana University, home of the Hoosiers.  Bob is a research analyst studying college student engagement, and I am part time adjunct faculty.  I teach public speaking. 

When/why did you decide to adopt? 

We offered to adopt the boy from Haiti whose education we had been sponsoring as soon as we learned he was orphaned by the earthquake.  We were aware he had a younger brother, and we indicated we would adopt them both.  We had never previously considered adopting or expanding our family.  The earthquake in Haiti seemed so urgent and extreme, and we really wanted to help.

Do you have any biological children? 

Yes, we have two biological sons.  Robby is 10, and Teddy is 7.

Whom are you adopting, and from where? 

We are adopting Stevenson (age 11) and Kendy (age 3 or 4) from Haiti.  I had met Stevenson and his mother on a previous visit to Haiti.  I was accompanying my sister on a medical mission in March of 2009, and Haitian Roots (the educational sponsorship organization) arranged for us to meet the children whom we had been sponsoring. 

When are you hoping to have your child home?

As soon as possible!  Our dossier is complete and will be delivered to Haiti in early November.  I don’t know how long it will take from this point, but cholera is a very real threat, and traumatized children continue to live in dire conditions. 

What is your biggest apprehension about the process?

The process is cumbersome, time consuming, and expensive.  It is laden with potential bureaucratic snags, and you never know if something will get lost in the shuffle.  I worry that the children will languish, though the Haitian Roots organization has supported them as much as possible.  I worry that the process ends up pushing well qualified candidates out of the adoption cycle without actually protecting children.  The people with ill intentions toward children are not likely entering this process, so the bureaucratic requirements are perhaps not really weeding anyone out.  They are only making it difficult for middle class families to try to help. 

What has been the most surprising aspect of the process? 

I think I was genuinely surprised at the cost of international adoption.  I also had hoped that the circumstances of the earthquake in Haiti would create a fast track for getting orphans out safely to families who could care for them.  The reading I have done as part of parent preparation has also surprised me.  The common issues that come with children who have either been institutionalized or suffered severe trauma is frightening.  Many adopted families struggle.  There is a romanticized notion that all will be well with enough love and stability, but the reality is that deep scars to the emotional well being of a child and challenges to the central nervous system are difficult to overcome.  Nonetheless, I am also surprised that once you make the commitment, you feel compelled and driven to see it through. 

Have you and your spouse always been on the same page about wanting to adopt?  (If not, what changed?)  How did you tell your other children (if applicable) and families?

I most certainly initiated this process for our family, and the others have been with me if not reluctantly, then guardedly.  Whenever anyone gets scared (often me), we recognize that any of the reasons not to do it get quickly outweighed by the reasons we should do it.  How can we claim that we don’t have enough to share with two boys who had so little to begin with, and then lost it all?  We have enough.  This will certainly complicate our lives, but we will adapt and try to help two boys thrive again.  We try to talk about Stevenson and Kendy every day as a family.  We light a candle for them and send them wishes.  We try to engage our boys in the preparations, so that they are invested in the success of their adopted brothers.  Our extended families have been supportive, some even offering financial help. 

Is any organization or agency helping you to get through the process, financially, emotionally, or otherwise? 

We are working with Wasatch International Adoption out of Utah for our adoptions.  They are connected to Haitian Roots (the education organization) in that they share some clients and personnel.  Our dossier specialist with Wasatch is Cheryl Moyes.  She has lots of experience and is so on top of all the details.  Haitian Roots has also been instrumental in helping with our adoptions.  When the immediacy of adoption preparations slows down, I hope to look for some grant opportunities to help with the costs.   

Feel free to add or change the questions above to suit your needs, or add some of your own!

Something that I wanted to add is related to the debate about whether international adoption is appropriate to begin with.  We have concerns about removing children from their culture, their people, their language, but the circumstances in Haiti seem so extreme that international adoption becomes one of many important solutions.    Some of the resources we have been seeking out are related to helping our Haitian children continue to feel connected to their culture and continue to have opportunities to speak their language.  We have been told that Stevenson, the older boy we are adopting, shows many signs of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  I can’t imagine that abruptly leaving all that with which he is familiar will be easy for this child.  We just hope that we will be able to help him… and we hope we will be able to get our boys from Haiti home to Indiana sooner rather than later. 

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