Adoption: The Junk Family

Please tell us about yourself — your location, job, etc!

We are a family of 8.  We have five biological children and then adopted our sixth child from Bulgaria. He was born with a cleft lip and palate, one eye smaller than the other and was later diagnosed with Autism.  We live in Utah.  My husband is the city prosecutor and I work for Wasatch International Adoptions - I LOVE my job. 

When/why did you decide to adopt? 

Ten years ago I began working for Wasatch Adoptions.  I had never felt drawn to adoption myself although my sister could not have children and had adopted two domestically.  One day while working with the Bulgaria program I saw a picture of the saddest little boy I had ever seen with a cleft lip and palate.  There were three sentences about him--that was it-- with regard to medical or any other information.  It was to be our son Mitko.  After my fifth child was born 7 weeks early and I had an emergency hysterectomy we knew we were done having children.  Adoption had not entered our mind although everyone always teased me that I better watch out working for an adoption agency.  My husband initially was very resistant considering we already had five children and he was frightened about Mitko's special needs.  I could not stop thinking about Mitko and as time went on felt more and more sure we were meant to adopt him.  After a long summer of talking, prayer and yes arguing, my husband had a special experience where he came to know without a doubt we were to adopt Mitko and so we did. 

Do you have any biological children? 

Yes, 5

Whom did you adopt, and from where? 

Mitko (we kept his Bulgarian name and call him Mitty), Yambol, Bulgaria near the Black Sea.

What was their name, and did you rename them? Why or why not?

 His name was Mitko Nedekov Atanasov.  While waiting to bring him home we always referred to him as Mitko.  Once we went to visit him for the first time (with Bulgaria there are two visits involved), he was just Mitko, it didn't seem right to call him anything else.  We gave him the middle name of Joseph however after my Grandpa.

What has been the most surprising aspect of adoption? 

That every experience is so very, very different.  Having worked in the field now for over ten years, I see that many aspects of adoption are the same for families, but also some so different. For me, and this is difficult to admit, it was surprising that it took time to come to love Mitko as our own.  I thought it would be "instant" but it wasn't and I beat myself up a lot about that for the first year.  He was very, very hard and it was very discouraging to see the lack of any progress.  It was also hard to let go of my dream to "fix him" and that actually took many years and even now that he is 12 I still will get a glimmer of hope that he might speak.

What has been the most disappointing? 

That just loving a child and caring for them and giving your all will not cure them.  Our dream was to bring home Mitko, have corrective surgery, help him with his delays and have him live a healthy, normal life.  Obviously the fact that he was diagnosed with Autism a year after he came home was the most disappointing factor of all.  He also has never spoken...he makes sounds, signs and makes his wants known but he cannot talk.  I have dreams that he talks sometimes.

What has been the most gratifying? 

For us it has been that because Mitko has such special needs, our children have grown and become more understanding and charitable to those with special needs.  I have also met some of the most amazing mothers, teachers, volunteers etc. because of my son and his needs that otherwise I would have never known.  Mitko has touched other people in amazing ways--sometimes people you would not expect.  Many people are drawn to him. Also it is gratifying to find out that you really can do something that you never thought in your entire life you would be able to handle.  If someone told me I would be able to adopt a child who would need multiple surgeries (including a surprise surgery for hip displacement), be Autistic with mental retardation and never speak I would have said no way.  It is gratifying to know that I can do it and while many days it is very difficult, life goes on and we are happy and are growing in our understanding daily.

Did any organization or agency help you get through the process, financially, emotionally, or otherwise? 

Absolutely MY agency, Wasatch Adoptions that I worked for.  I had no idea how to do anything with regard to the paperwork, home study...all of that...I was so new to the job myself that I was learning along with my new clients. My staff members were my friends and mentors.  Several of them had adopted internationally before me--that was very helpful.

What advice would you give people who are considering adoption? 

First consider your reasons for adopting.  So many families have good intent but want to adopt just to "help a child" who would not otherwise have a home.  That is all well and good but sometimes these kind people really have not taken into consideration that this child will be theirs forever. After the earthquake in Haiti, I was literally flooded with more than 1,000 requests to adopt one of these children.  I almost got the feeling people were wanting to buy a puppy.  While I know their heart was in the right place, I don't believe many were really prepared to add a child forever to their family. They were caught up in the moment which is understandable but not realistic.  Many families I feel jump too quickly and have not done appropriate preparation including classes and reading on the subject.  My feeling is that a family should adopt because they want to parent a child and help them grow into adulthood. Families adopting a special needs child of course need extra preparation, and training although sometimes in these situations families have taken a leap of faith and it has worked for them.

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SixSeeds is partnering with this family in their adoption journey.  Leave one comment below -- express love and appreciation for their hearts or anything else you'd like to say -- and we will donate $2 towards One Heart Bulgaria!  Not only will you be helping this orphans, you will also receive a weekly e-zine from SixSeeds.tv, offering the best in good, family, fun!  

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